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Here we go. Some more of The Taverners Take Barbados.

When last we saw our adventurers, they were about to brave the descent to Certain Death Beach (aka Bottom Bay Beach). At street level, there’s room for three or four cars and the requisite dude selling cocktails in coconuts. So you don’t really have any idea what to expect from the beach. How good could it be? Back where we come from, any beach worth the name has three conveniently located six-level concrete garages, a 7-11, and a Holiday Inn.

We descended the intriguingly well-kept but low-key trail with no expectations. So when we stepped out of the jungle and onto the stunning kilometer-wide white sandy beach with all of four other people on it… well, we were all smiles.

Marjorie found a patch of shade under the massive coral cliff and I soon discovered the large cave. While the ladies made themselves comfortable I followed the cave in as deep as I could, finding all manner of amazing fossilized coral. Also deck chair frames and a few empty rum bottles. Naturally.

Back at the blanket, I did my best to capture the vista with the iPhone’s panorama feature. Turns out the AI has a really hard time with surf. But I eventually got something good enough to share. The image is about 160 degrees wide, so go ahead and cut the image out from your monitor and wrap it around your head. There. That’s how amazing this beach is.

We couldn’t wait to get Avery into the water. She loves the bath. She loved the pool. Surely this was going to be The New Best Thing Ever.

Nope. Did not like. In retrospect, who in their right mind would enjoy seeing an entire horizon of water rushing right toward you, clearly hell bent on swallowing you whole? So. Not a fan.

But she enjoyed the blanket and some snacks just fine. And drinking water from our bottle was a highlight, for sure.

Bottom Bay Beach: amazing pristine beach, isolated but not hard to reach. Do not go in the water. It will eat you.

Coming up next: the road trip across the island to… a really fancy resort whose name escapes me.

It’s taking forever to get all the pics cranked through Photoshop in the few minutes of me time I have each day. So let’s just get to it.

Day 1 – We had an early flight, which meant getting out of bed at 4:30 or so. That used to be a really big deal, and worth contemplating just staying up. In a post-Avery world, that’s not much earlier than she greets the day anyway. So, yeah, that’s early, and ungodly so, but that’s how the new Taverners roll. I guess. Hooray.

Anyway, early flight means early arrival. Hello, Barbados! We landed in time to tag the usual bases, picking up the rental car, navigating to the villa to meet the property manager lady (Jan, very nice), and backtracking to the local supermarket to get a few necessities. Of course there was time for a dip in the pool. There is always time for a dip in the pool. Lava could be bearing down on us, and there would still be time for a dip in the pool. But I digress. Our villa was on the east side of the island, in Bottom Bay in the parish of St Philip.

Then we drove by tourist map (hilariously not entirely accurate) to the south side – Oistins in the parish of Christ Church. Friday nights there is a massive fish fry next to the fish market right on the beach, and that’s The Thing You Do On Friday Night. So we did. We hit it up early, partly because of Avery, but also because we knew it would be a loud and boisterous zoo. We went to Pat’s, because the reviews said we should. And they were right. While my fried chicken was authentic but mediocre, Marjorie’s Mahi Mahi was excellent. Recommend. We wrapped up just as the dj was cycling up the theatre-sized sound system.

Full of good food, and having enjoyed our first Banks (the beer of Barbados), we navigated home and crashed out at something like 9:30. Because that’s how we roll. I had a dip in the pool before bed, naturally. Glorious.

In the morning, we assembled the provisions and gear, and sallied forth on our next quest: to check out the beach at Bottom Bay, where swimming is stupid but the beach itself is supposed to be stunning. Stay tuned for that next episode.