catharsis

I still think about her. I guess that’s natural enough. My last relationship of any length. I don’t think about her often, but once in a while. And I know she still thinks about me often enough to hit the blog every once in a while.

A small tweak of fate and I would have married that girl.

Those closest to me at the time know that it was not to be. The issues she had to deal with, and the way I dealt with them, made sure of that. We wouldn’t have been happily ever after.

Except that when we were happy we were really, truly, deeply happy. Keystone completeness.

You have to remind yourself that the remembered happiness was transient. That even if she had been ready for a real relationship (which she wasn’t and may never be) she couldn’t have kept up with you in the ways you need a life-partner to be able. Chemistry is important, but not everything.

And it has to be admitted that if you were seriously involved right now chances are it wouldn’t even have occurred to you to write this post.

I’ve been really lucky. And stupid. I’ve torched more than one awesome relationship. Immaturity will do that to you. I try not to think about the what-ifs, like what if I met one of those girls now, for the first time, instead of then, when I had no clue. The mistakes have been made. I know better now. I want more now.

Yeah, the what-ifs are just no fun at all. But those girls have earned their place in my heart. Stronger than time. This last one…

No real point to this post. Just caught myself thinking about her, and going through the usual process of missing her then reminding myself that she really isn’t the person I remember. She’s the person I broke up with.