mcls

What follows is a frank diatribe on sex. Be advised: we’re stepping outside the usual bounds of djmischiff.com thanks to inspiration from toki‘s latest post.

People begin their sexual training as soon as their vision clears up after birth. They learn their roles, what’s acceptable and what is taboo. They get all kinds of mixed up ideas along with the important info. The first idea is that touching yourself and others feels good. Then you learn that sex is the Adult Conspiracy. The very next idea is that Sex Is Bad. That’s when the confusion starts. If sex is wrong why does everyone seem to enjoy it so much? Why, in fact, does it seem to be what the world goes ’round?

But the befuddlement gets worse. We learn that there is a scale. Certain acts are naughtier than others. Some are downright scandalous. What’s most addling for us at this point is that depending on how we grew up that scale is alarmingly shifty. For some people the very idea of oral sex is like knocking at Satan’s door. For others sex is just a tool to get their way.

Everybody is twisted up about this whole sex business. And even though you have to admit that the Adult Conspiracy is useful for adding the allure of exciting naughtiness to the act I have to question whether all this confusion is really worth it. After decades of intense study I try to keep it simple, and I’ll call it Mischiff’s Commonsense Law of Sex: (MCLS) as long as everyone involved is human, adult, and consenting (and nobody gets hurt) then it’s all good.

That point of view makes many tangential issues easy to put to bed (pun). Same-sex relationships? Sure. *I* don’t have to marry him. Polygamy? Ok, as long as it’s the game everyone is playing. Spit or swallow? Well, I’d rather you didn’t actually spit on me. Masturbation? Better than nothin’.

At the moment bi-sexual girls are very trendy. So is anal sex. Both have been around since The Dawn Of Time ™. Neither has ever been as uncommon as conservatives would have you believe. Neither is to everybody’s taste. And that really and truly is fine. There’s no hard set of rules that will suit everyone unless it’s MCLS. This would be a good place to addendum: don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. That’s not a blanket endorsement of every kink under the sun and moon. Rather, I’m suggesting that no one should judge another’s kink providing it doesn’t violate MCLS.

Some people grow up, sometimes spend their entire lives, thinking that a particular act is disgusting or just wrong even though it’s safely within the bounds of MCLS. Their loss, really. Hopefully they find a partner that shares their reverse-kink and they can live together happily ever after. I say you have much better odds at happiness if you keep an open mind. If something scares you at first (keeping in mind MCLS) you should feel free to talk it out with your partner. They weren’t kidding when they said communication is everything. Remind your partner that this isn’t his or her chance to talk you into it. This is just to make sure you’re both on the same page. Maybe you’ll decide to give it a whirl, maybe your partner will graciously concede that sex in the candy aisle at 7-11 isn’t for you. Either way, approaching New Things should be done with education and due consideration that there are at least two of you in bed together.

Anyone who knows anything about Tantric sex or the saucier parts of the Kama Sutra can tell you that most of us are pretty pedestrian in the sack. And that suits most of us just fine. The important thing to keep in mind is that, just like the rest of life, it’s a sad, sad day when you think you know it all. An untested comfort zone is just another step down a long, slow decline into aged obscurity and regret.